“We inevitably doom our children to failure and frustration
when we try to set their goals for them.”
- Dr. Jess Lair
That’s pretty spot on! In fact, I would like to take it further and say that it not only applies to children, but everyone. No matter who you are, if someone tries to set goals for you or you try to set them for someone else, you are essentially leading them to failure and frustration.
You may have the best of intentions, base your advice on your past experience(s), or have connections to help someone do better than they currently are. When you get down to the basics of it, it’s like when you were little playing games. The square block goes into the square hole, the triangle into the triangle, and the circle into the circle. Any other way would have created frustration and failure, and that’s exactly what happens to everyone, including myself.
In this world as we’re trying to find our shape and discover where we go there’s people trying to “help” us, but many of these people make us feel like we’re wrong or they’re so opinionated and confident in themselves that we feel like they’re right. (I wish they had a warning label!) Eventually, we simply stop discovering and start listening. We really do believe them. I have this crazy idea though - when you explore, you discover!
The introvert is an entertainer - Michael Jackson
The quiet slender old man is a jolly writer - Dr. Seuss
Continue to explore and discover what’s best for you. Believe it or not, everyone else isn’t always right. They may have some great ideas to listen to, but they’re exactly that - ideas. Take them as that! They are not facts set in stone, or instructions handed down from the heavens. You did not come with a manual or directions for how to live your life (I’m still working on those - coming soon...)
Don’t get me wrong though, we all could use some good lessons from others. These lessons are often about how things run at work or in the world, not really on life itself. All of them are manmade. As we all know, almost everything manmade has a very short lifespan. Much of the time having multiple problems.
So, although this post is to encourage you all to explore and discover instead of getting caught up in others doing it for you. Remember - just as this applies to you, don’t do it to others. You may have a vast array of experiences, strong thoughts, and the urge to help others. All in all that’s great, but utilize them tactfully when helping others and don’t make them feel pressured. Yes it’s true, sometimes, even older people still listen to their friends or others they respect. It’s human nature. Just don’t take advantage of that in the wrong ways.
Amazingly, most of the time when people come for advice all they’re really looking for is someone to listen and support them, even if you disagree. That’s why we all go around and ask people multiple times until we get the answer we like, right? All to know someone supports us or has been through it before.
With that in mind, do not let someone disagreeing with you deter you. Still listen to what they have to offer though. It’s a fine line, but that’s for another post.
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
- Einstein.... Or is it?